To continue from previous posts, the obvious question is: how to go from self-criticism and hate to more self-love? The key is to separate “I have a thought saying ‘I’m useless´” and you – separate what your defense mechanisms are doing in service of loyalty to your attachment figures and your being. You can then learn to understand that when you have angry feelings, self-criticism comes instead. Then you can start to learn how to have that angry feeling in your body instead of it going to your head and hurting you, by carefully monitoring the anxiety this work provokes. The angry feeling can then be felt and show you a memory of when this pattern got established, which you then can work through – feel the anger and feel the guilt of having that anger. I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a lot of pain there, pain for love not received. You can then mourn, hold space, and heal. Now, when you revisit anger, the self-attacking thoughts don’t feel as true; they come with a question mark, “Maybe I’m bad?”. With more work, “Oh, here goes self-critique again! I wonder who I’m angry with. Let’s see how I experience this anger”. And voilá! Now you rely on your feelings and inner life. Of course, we might (most likely) need some help on this journey. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions that I can help you with!