The feeling of being stuck is quite difficult for me. I often want to feel like I’m moving in some direction, doing something – and yes, ultimately achieving something.

Lately, life has been kind of funny in that regard. I have had major changes in my life (traveled, fell in love, got a new job, moved out to the countryside, got pregnant, gave birth, almost died, got married and then got forced from my home and homeland because of bureaucracy…) – many of the big things people long for here in this life – and yet the feeling of being stuck is ever so present.

The rational part of me doesn’t find that very strange though. Stress, dysregulation, insecurity, anxiety, anger, sorrow, fear, sadness – all “difficult” feelings – tend to make us not want to stay in whatever is. Of course, I don’t want to stay in that shit. No one “wants” to. We like pleasure and easy breezy stuff, when things go our way; when we think we can have some sort of control or overview of how our life is going. But we simply can’t and never will have such control or overview.

Our lives truly are mysteries unfolding. In the midst of it, let’s marvel at the beauty and wonder of it all. But also – it’s totally ok not to like it. It’s totally fine to think that it sucks. Feeling stuck sucks. Exhale. This too is life. This too is a life lived. Ultimately there is nowhere to go but now here.

Originally posted on the 31st of August 2021.

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