{"id":1667,"date":"2025-11-04T13:54:24","date_gmt":"2025-11-04T13:54:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/spaceforreflections.com\/?p=1667"},"modified":"2025-11-04T13:54:24","modified_gmt":"2025-11-04T13:54:24","slug":"a-possible-history-behind-self-criticism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/spaceforreflections.com\/en\/a-possible-history-behind-self-criticism\/","title":{"rendered":"A possible history behind self-criticism"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Say that your mother was harsh on you when you were a small child. That made you angry. To be angry with your mother might not be safe, maybe your mother couldn\u2019t handle and help you with your anger, so you learned how to channel your anger into something \u201cacceptable\u201d that would keep the bond with your mother intact – your means of survival. To solve this tricky situation, the child identifies with the mother in one of three ways: \u201cI treat myself as my mother treats me\u201d, \u201cI treat others like my mother does\u201d, or \u201cI\u2019m fearful that others will treat me as my mother does\u201d. A child cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality, so your mother\u2019s criticism is simply true. Onwards, there is no distinction between \u201cI did something bad\u201d and \u201cI am bad\u201d. To get some of your mother\u2019s love, you have to be \u201cnot bad\u201d as in perhaps act perfectly, having high standards that you punish yourself for not living up to. Also, whenever angry feelings stir up in you, one of the three identifications gets activated instead, for example: your boss fires you in an unjustifiably way, which makes you angry, but all you experience is \u201cI\u2019m useless, I can\u2019t even keep a job\u201d.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Say that your mother was harsh on you when you were a small child. That made you angry. To be angry with your mother might not be safe, maybe your mother couldn\u2019t handle and help you with your anger, so you learned how to channel your anger into something \u201cacceptable\u201d that would keep the bond […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1667","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t