Right now I\u2019m feeling left out. Some friends of mine planned something and I didn\u2019t get included. My name wasn\u2019t mentioned when it came to setting a time to get together, etc. It hurts, feeling left out, and that\u2019s ok. Me denying that it hurts won\u2019t make it less painful. Now, reading into things here is the thing to refrain from. I don\u2019t know why the others didn\u2019t include me and jumping to conclusions like \u201cthey don\u2019t like me\u201d or \u201cthey don\u2019t care for me\u201d, is neither helpful nor necessarily true. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To have this not eating away at me and my fantasies run amok I acknowledge that this hurts. I acknowledge that I don\u2019t know why this happened and that it serves me and everyone else best if I just let go of my hypothesis. I notice them come, I choose to let them go. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I then decided to reach out to one safe person in the group. Telling him I needed to share this so I wouldn\u2019t isolate in my hurt, making it even harder to reach some sort of conclusion. Not reaching out to make the feeling go away necessarily, but to again acknowledge that this is going on. And now I\u2019m writing about it. Writing about hard things helps me put them in perspective; that yes, this is what occupies me right now, but it probably won\u2019t be that way soon, something else will have happened. Feeling hurt is just another facet of the human experience, this too shall pass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This way of approaching things, whatever they may be, is inspired by the Zen peacemakers\u2019 Three Tenets (originally formulated by Roshi Bernie Glassman in 1994): Not knowing, Bearing witness and Taking action. I like to think about Taking action as Compassionate action. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not knowing: we don\u2019t know all possible perspectives of how and why things came to be. It is helpful for me to think that it is very likely that the thing that happened is not personal when I feel hurt. At the same time, my perspective is as valuable as anyone else\u2019s. To go into things with the attitude of \u201cit is probably not personal\u201d is not the same as \u201cmy perspective is not valid\u201d. It is valid, and so I everyone else\u2019s. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bearing witness: this, what is going on inside and outside me, is going on. There might be more to it. There might be others suffering. There might be dire consequences. I choose to hold it all in my heart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Compassionate action: I choose to take action compassionately, whether it is responding immediately with force or seemingly not doing anything. Sometimes bearing witness and realizing we can never know the full picture is compassionate action. In this instance with me feeling hurt, I chose to reach out to a friend and to take the time to process it in writing, reminding myself that \u201cthis exists too\u201d and is part of my experience today. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJust like that\u201d (eye roll) I find myself in a different space. The echoes of hurt still linger in my awareness but there is also gratefulness. I\u2019m thankful for me taking the time to acknowledge this, being curious about it and compassionately helping myself go through it. I\u2019m grateful for my friend who lent his ear to me. I\u2019m also grateful for life, the universe, or whatever label it might go under, that keeps providing me with the life lessons I seem to need. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today I was hurting. Tomorrow it might be someone else. I find these tenets helpful no matter what situation I\u2019m facing really. Maybe they can be helpful for you too?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Originally posted on the 8th of January 2023.<\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Right now I\u2019m feeling left out. Some friends of mine planned something and I didn\u2019t get included. My name wasn\u2019t mentioned when it came to setting a time to get together, etc. It hurts, feeling left out, and that\u2019s ok. Me denying that it hurts won\u2019t make it less painful. Now, reading into things here […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1185","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t