I fell into the trap once again. I fell into the trap of pleasing, being a good girl. I was hitting some sort of everyday streak with posts here for a little while on the blog and then I lost my flow. I got busy. I went on a week of meditation, I started to work again and my daughter started daycare. Then came all the tasks that come with fall. Harvesting, preparing for winter. Needing to start fires to warm up the house.
It is easy to hide behind excuses and explanations. I don’t want to do that really. I want to just say ”Here I am”. ”I might have done that, I might not have done that. Here I am, showing up. I am sorry if I let you down”. When I noticed I started to feel bad about not writing here I knew I had fallen into the trap of my good-girlness. I write here because I want to and I feel pulled towards it, not because I have to or should. I exhaled. Good. Then I know where I am and I can start again. We can always start again. I have great faith in that things pan out in a way we need them to, to learn, to grow. I have great faith in future me when I feel astray in the moment. Let us do the next thing, afresh.